Pitch Dark World
The world can be a brutal place. A place full of predicaments for one and fewer challenges for the others. One dawn you are deep in one crisis that hurls your life around and turns around everything you have ever known and throws you into a dark abyss that no one else can find you. The world still goes on, lives on, moving on like you never existed.
You become someone totally different all over sudden and what you cherished seizes to have meaning and what you hated stops having worth. You can’t love anymore and you cant can hate no more. You are thrown in a state of confusion that even your being cannot comprehend. As others stand to sing their favorite hymns, your mind wonders and tumbles into the unknown. Those lyrics that seemed to have some meaning now are meaningless and the dancing vanity. You need time again to learn about this new being that has just become suddenly. You need to unlearn what you learned as a toddler.
Life is really funny because as this happens, you tend to lose the people you love. The people who identified with you. The people who called and sent messages every day. They walk away because they do not know you anymore. You become their topic for lunch and dinner. They all whisper in murmurs as if you cared what they were talking about. They all gossip about you because humanity is weird. Many celebrate your "downfall" when they think it’s your ‘disgrace.’ Many celebrate when others become ‘insane, stupid and pathetic.’ Every day becomes a day of questions and tears. Tears that seem to never exist come whirling around as if ordered by a supreme god. A feeling of worthlessness, hopelessness, and misery steps in. So strong that its aura and smell is felt by everyone from afar. Anxiety and nervousness turn your body into a wreck. The mind wonders and gives birth to all negative thoughts it can rubble, tumble, and collect. Trust turns to fear and fear to anxiety attacks. Your body alienates food and everything is changed into a tedious process of diarrhea. The mind revolves, spins, and works tirelessly with desperate thoughts and all you can do is medicate it with pain relievers. Tablets that never seem to work.
One thing remains to be true though, you must find yourself. Escape from this whirlwind of chaos and predicament and find yourself. Run away from depression and find yourself. Something needs to bring you right back: a book, a talk, a song, a memory, your partner, a prayer, a trip, deep slumber, great food, a vacation, or just some quiet time. Something that will take months and sometimes years to trigger yourself back.
Once incident can give you such a terrible inhuman turnaround or turning point that it throws you into a state of depression that no other human being can ever deal with it. Depression hits different for each person. Depression is real. Depression can lead to death. That is why you must find yourself.
Logic and meaning seize to exist in a human being who is in it. What was and is seizes to exist. Love turns to anger and hatred, sleep oozes your mind and you spend sleepless nights, fighting people becomes a need to push the undesired feelings from your heart, loneliness becomes an ideal world, hobbies become boring and worthless, careers become tiresome and the whole world switches all its beaming light to pitch darkness.
Pitch dark world that can not embrace you anymore. Depression is real.
By Erick Mukiira